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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in kermugen's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, October 14th, 2004
11:39 pm
Off to AZ in the afternoon :o)
I got my haircut again- yay working at a beauty salon!
Night Night :o)
Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
12:02 am
Less then four days till I'm in AZ... and less then five until I get to be with Sketti for a little bit :o) A little bit can go a far way, especially with the love of your life. I'm too excited to think about it, I really am at that point that if I think about it too much, I might just burst into tears for being so excited about seeing him. So instead, I don't think about it, and when I do start thinking about it, I can't help but smile.

James will be there Friday night, so I have Friday and Saturday morning with him, and then Saturday afternoon with everyone- and sat night with Steve and everyone up there, Sunday morning thru evening with steve, and then back with the family Sunday late night till Monday early morning. Not much time with anyone, but I did my best to break up the time. Its just too many people that I love in one teeny weekend. My brother- who is one of my best friends in a chunk, and my boyfriend- who is also one of my best friends in another chunk. I don't know what I'd do if Sven came up for a day to! All my best friends in one place... they'd conspire against me! Dumb boys :o)

Steve wrote a wonderful email to me tonight :o) hehe, I love it- and I saved it away somewhere no one will everr everrrrr find it.

I felt really sick today, for about an hour and a half, like all the same symptoms that I had in March before I went to the hospital. So... I'm hoping that is where that story ends :o)

Ok, I am off to bed, I have to be up at 7 tomorrow morning for work- Yay Spa!!! Goodnight :o) and 62 more days ;o)
Sunday, October 10th, 2004
2:34 pm
Put a star next to all the ones that apply
I have been:
*a child
*a daughter
*a sister
*a friend
*a dancer
*a member of the choir
*a soloist
a thief
*a liar
*a confidant
*a mother
*a bitch
*an angel
*mean without reason
*hurt without cause
*a smoker
*a nurse
a wife
*a daydreamer
a bride
a cleaning lady
a chauffer
*a traveler
*a writer
*a poet
*a reader
*a diarist
*unfairly accused
a customer service representative
*cute as a button
ugly as sin
a dominatrix
to every state except alaska
an aunt
mistaken for a man
an online game moderator
*a photographer
*a slob
*in therapy
*scared of the dark
to disneyworld
to the funeral of someone who was too young to die
inside a sex club
*understanding, misunderstanding, understood & misunderstood
*to the edge of my sanity

I have:
*commited random acts of kindness
*cried without comfort
*offered comfort to both friends & strangers
had evil thoughts
had more lovers than I'd like
driven too fast
danced too hard
*drank too much
*laughed too loud
*said stupid shit
swore like a sailor
committed adultery
left the scene of an accident
*depended on the kindness of strangers
been to the abortion clinic
had more than one lover in my bed at the same time
*talked behind the back of a friend
*been talked about by a friend
smoked marijuana
taken speed or acid
*cheated on tests
*danced in the rain
made love in a pond under a full moon
*watched a meteor shower
*cared for orphaned animals
*danced in the moonlight
*cared for the dying
*gotten hopelessly lost in chicago
*stood on the edge of a cliff
*made prank phone calls
*played practical jokes
suffered from road rage
shared secrets to my daughter
*made friends with people I've never seen
had a crush on a girl
*watched XXX rate movies
searched for internet porn...by accident
smoked in the boys room
Gained and lost 50 lbs at least 3 times
had an unrequited love
*written letters I never intended to send
*sent letters I wish I'd never written
*been loved
won a most improved bowler award
*seen a UFO
*acted like an idiot
*fallen off a horse
*been strong
*flirted with strangers
ridden a mini bike
got lost in the woods
thought bigfoot was following me
*had phone sex
*read cheesy love stories
*shared a hot tub with naked strangers
*broken someone's heart
*had my heart broken
had cancer
Wednesday, October 6th, 2004
10:52 pm
If I were a month I would be: december- a lot of happy things happen in december
If I were a planet I would be: Uranus, I love its rings and that its blue :o)
If I were a direction I would be: southwest (what else would you expect from AZ?)
If I were a historical figure I would be: emilia earhart
If I were a liquid I would be: rain
If I were a tree, I would be: oak
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: bright pink tulips
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: a violin
If I were an animal, I would be: dolphin in the mornings, a lioness in the afternoons, and a moose in alaska at night
If I were an object, I would be: travel book
If I were a vegetable, I would be: corn... maybe brocoli or peas :o)
If I were a sound, I would be: thunder
If I were a subject in school I would be: outdoor adventure
If I were a car, I would be: a blue porshe 911
If I were a song, I would be: beautiful day- U2
If I were a food, I would be: spaghetti
If I were a scent, I would be: chocolate dipped orange peels
If I were a word, I would be: love
Monday, October 4th, 2004
11:45 pm
Today's one of those bad days, actually, it started at about 4 o'clock this morning. And stopped when I fell asleep, but is back now since I broke something of my moms.

Its hard for me to talk about things when they don't even believe that she was real. To me, shes just a natural piece of me, a part of my heart, and a part of my life. She wasn't in it more then two hours knowingly, but she did grow inside of me for almost a month. Its very sad to me not to be able to talk, because thasts how I get past things. And since its more then a month since everything happened, everyone assumes that I am happy, fine, and over it.

Guess what? I'm not, happy, fine, or over it. I'm sad, depressed, and think about her every day. I really broke down when I took the wrong turn in Target todayand ended up in the baby toys section. I just had to get out of there.

No, I didn't have a normal baby on the way, and no, I didn't even have a shot at my own life if she got any bigger, but I still grieve like a miscarriage- cause really, thats what it was.
Sunday, October 3rd, 2004
11:32 pm
I know, and I'm sorry. I haven't really updated in awhile.
I love this taking time off bit. I know as soon as I get back into a groove though, I'm going to think "why in the heck did I waste a whole semester". Hehe, oh well, it is for my present self to enjoy the baths every night, the tv shows with my dad, getting back into the shape I was in during high school, talking to some friends who were once close, and now getting closer then they were last year again. Its nice, having time for myself, and just as much time to worry about others. Because before I only had half the time to do people things- and then I would spend 3/4 the time worrying about other people instead of myself, and then I would be stressed.

Anyways... I am off to spend some quality family/Steve time in AZ in two weeks. I cannot wait to see Sketti one bit, and I really hope my family reunion is fun- hey, it will be, its a Mullan thing :o)

Night night for now
Friday, October 1st, 2004
12:42 am
Happy October!!! Only a month and a half left until I am back home and 21 years old :o) Yay for being home!!!
Thursday, September 30th, 2004
1:07 pm
I am alllllive... again! Hehe. I'm having a good day- a few days ago, I finally realized what this "taking a semester off" thing was about- its about taking off a semester dammit :o) And if no one wants to interview my for a job... its ok, because it'll all just go to my car anyways. This semester is for me to sit here, or go play, and learn about things you can't learn about in school... or the coast guard. Its my first chill out time since I was 13. I voluteered at summer camps all summer since I was 14, and then went to school and played sports/ did clubs full time till now. I always had someone or someones to look after. For a few months, I have no responsibilities except for my dog. Right now is an extended me time. I am learning how to cook, scrapbook, fish better, drive better, and soon I will be taking on Spanish. I shouldn't be pissed at the days I have nothing going on, I am now thankful for them.

I don't know what you guys feel about this, because I am not one to sit around, and people will probably be pissed at me for doing things that don't require school or getting paid for. But right now is my time to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life, to be with my parents for a little while longer before I venture off into my own life again, to play with my doggie, and get the extra sleep I was never able to get. I was sick for a year, and now that I'm better I'm going to get back into shape, learn to cook healthy/yummy things, and be positive again, because I'm always positive on the outside, now my insides have to catch up just a little bit.

Its just learning about myself, and its taken me 20 years to finally relax and do it.
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004
10:44 pm
My leg is asleep! The whole leg!!! It hurts sooo much, gahhhh :o) Hehe.

Off to do some more talking before I head to bed- working out everynight sure gets me tired :o)
Monday, September 27th, 2004
12:38 am
Must Tell Him about this before its too late!!!!
well the tradition goes: if you walk around the lake three times and he hasn't proposed, you have your sisters permission to throw him in the l
Saturday, September 25th, 2004
10:51 am
Off to Kansas City for the rest of the weekend!!!
Later Alligastors :o)
Thursday, September 23rd, 2004
10:49 pm
This is great :o)
Your Icon is..... by d3athofs3asons
Your Name
Your Age
Your B-day
Your Icon Is....
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Edit: 11:something
So, Survivor night was tonight :o) Mandy, Billy, Carrie, Clay and Matt were there, I just met everyone except Mandy and Billy, so it was cool. Billy's VCR ate the tape (since we recorded it beforehand) and luckily I had another tape that recorded it back at my house, so Mandy and I ran there, and then moved to Carries so it wouldn't be eaten again :o) We are off to the Ren Festival in KC Saturday afternoon, its supposed to be chilly. I've never been to one before, and I have no money for it, so I am painting the deck for 40 dollars, and cleaning all of the bathroom floors for 5 dollars a piece. No, do not ask me to borrow money or buy you anything, I am officially broke :o) I have to find other ways of making some money for the trip in October if I don't have a job by then :o( I really really am praying and hoping that I get either the vet receptionist job, or the hair places receptionist job, at least an interview? I might not shine like a clear diamond on paper because all my experience is with camps and pools, but I swear I can be one in a million if you give me the face to face chance. I think this time will really make me appreciate going back to school next semester. And if I have a job next semester- I can pay for insurance, and if that happens... my parents will give me my car to take to Arizona :o) I am so excited, I could cry. Thats all I've wanted, a way to be an individual, and drive my own happy ass around, and work at a job that not only pays insurance, but gives me a release when I have down time.

Anyways, I am off- Sketti is working all night tonight, and then two shifts tomorrow, so I might not talk to him till Sunday night or Monday even. I miss him bunches :o( I can't wait to see him though :o) I love him to pieces :o)

Three things I am thankful for:
Arbor Mist
Sketti- who I am more thankful for everyday, I thank God he is in my life as a true friend forever and ever :o)
12:30 am
Edit... So I talked to Sketti, feeling better, sorry for that outburst. I feel as if I'm the only one calm on my Mom's side of the family, so I needed that outburst for something.

I picked the name that meant motion, comfort, and rest. Who would've ever thought that was what I wanted to have in my tummy. :o)
Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004
11:51 pm
So I talked to Steve for about... five mins today? At the most. I think thats how long we've been having conversations lately. If he still wants to be with me, he just needs to say it. And if he loves me, he also needs to say that without being told about it "I love you" Its not very hard I would think unless you're not. But then you have no business saying it in the first place. I'm sorry, is reassurance every once in awhile a no-no? Because its not like I don't trust him, I trust him like crazy- but with the distance, if hes still going back and forth between being with me, and being with every other girl, I would like reassurance when he thinks I am pretty alright for him.
I hate being a girl :oÞ

Current Mood: but not red in the face :o)
12:16 am
I would be into my seventh month right now. I have a lot to be thankful for, a lot to live for, and a lot to acheive since I am not in my seventh month, and can live as an individual still. I am very blessed, Someone knows what they want out of me.
Tuesday, September 21st, 2004
12:50 am
Love is an intelligent willingness to surrender self-will, to make sacrifices, to place fidelity, charity and duty above feelings, in behalf of a person whom one has found to be a good companion, a sturdy character, and a believer in the same purposes of life and marriage as oneself.
12:19 am
Today went well. Went to bed at 2am, got up at 9:10, went and looked at the house, went to the real estate office, got home around one in the afternoon. Heard all about my Grandmas newest meltdown and how shes ready to kick my Papa out. Yeah.. the story of my life now :o) ...

I'm ready to be back in AZ where I don't have this many allergies, and have someone who loves me, even if they're not ready for anything to go on. Its so nice loving, and to be loved. I just wish I could make it happen in a heartbeat. But it won't, it may just have to happen over time instead.
Sunday, September 19th, 2004
11:21 pm
So today went well. I went house hunting with/for my parents new dreeeeam house. It was pretty funny. My parents sold their old dreeeeeam house to downsize because it will only be the two of them and the dog when I move out. And the house my Mom is putting an offer on tomorrow... is larger then the house we had with 2 kids, 2 dogs, and an iguana! I mean it has 3 floors, a wet bar downstairs, 4 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, wood floors, jacuzzi baths, walk in showers, crown molding, a little toilet room inside the office... the office!, a huge off to the side work house, 7 acres, rolling hills, 5 walk in closets, a laundry shoot. I mean this is the kind of house that you want when you're a little kid because you play hide and seek all over the property, and think it is haunted so you get scared when you hide by yourself. It was even a bed and breakfast when it was first built, so all bedrooms have a bathroom. Anyways, its nuts. It is definatly somewhere I would come and visit and bring my animals to play at- my dad was even talking about having goats :o) How funny would that be, my dad, with goats :o) And my mom is thinking about re-opening it as a Bed and Breakfast. I could have all of my friends over for the opening weekend! How wonderful would that be :o)

So... its crazy, but they love it, and my mom already scoped out where her garden would be. I love it when my parents are excited/happy :o)

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." -Something to think about when I am making my decisions... I have another option now, so its getting a little harder for me, but I think I already know what I want to do next year.

Three things I am thankful for today:
1)Peanut Curry... Mmmmm
2)Happy Parents with a house in mind
3)My brothers new/refound love for crazy music :o) -Just hearing him loving bands that Sketti loves makes me happy

"...if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." I should be getting more love right about now then :o)

Goodnight for now!
11:17 pm
I saw this, and instantly thought of my friend Anne :o)

It was taken from a 1950's Home Economics Textbook.

How to be a Good Wife

HAVE DINNER READY: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal--on time. This is a way to let him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned with his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home, and having a good meal ready is part of the warm welcome that is needed.

PREPARE YOURSELF: Take fifteen minutes to rest so that you will be refreshed when he arrives. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift. Greet him with a smile.

CLEAR AWAY THE CLUTTER: Make one last trip though the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up children's books and toys, papers, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you lift too.

PREPARE THE CHILDREN: If they are small, wash their hands and faces and comb their hair. They are his little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

MINIMIZE ALL NOISE: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise from the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

SOME "DO NOT'S": Don't greet him with problems and complaints. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as a minor problem compared to what he might have gone through that day.

MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE: Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest that he lie down in the bedroom. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

LISTEN TO HIM: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

MAKE THE EVENING HIS: Never complain if he doesn't take you to dinner or to other entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to unwind and relax.

12:54 am
So.... good talks with everyone tonight. It was nice, very nice. :o) My Mom is back from her trip.

My Grandpa is not doing so great, he had two strokes while my mom was there (for a week and a half) and my grandma almost had one while my grandpa was going crazy. He also is starting to forget where he is... all the time. So with his already parkasins disease, and now beginning signs of alzheimers, I don't know what to think anymore. My grandma was made to look like the bad guy in all of this, but really now I understand from my mom that she is so incredibly stressed cause my g-pa goes nuts every once in awhile, about twice a day, and she can't handle it. I wouldn't be able to either.

So family reunion is in a month, and hopefully my grandpa will be there, because I'm close to my whole family, and I really want to see him one more time.

It just keeps going downhill, and I'm sad.

Cellular One should be calling me any day with an interview, so thats nice. Mandy is taking me to the Renaissance Festival in KC next weekend, and she has BBQ and Survivor nights every week, so something to look forward to :o) I love her- shes definatly a big sister type of person to me.

I decided to start this every entry, just so I could look back and see something positive.

Three things I am thankful for:
1)My parents for letting me live with them for a semester while I work.
2)Aunt Barbara for giving me a pep talk last night.
3)Jessie for being my puppy dog and my buddy when I need someone to cry to at night.
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